In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the
United States , and said, ‘Once again, the earth has become wicked,
and I see the end of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few
good humans’
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, ‘You have 6 months to build the
Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.’
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard
– but no Ark.
‘Noah!’ He roared, ‘I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?’
‘Forgive me, Lord,’ begged Noah, ‘but things have changed. I needed a
building permit. I’ve been arguing with the inspector about the need
for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I’ve violated the
neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding
the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board
for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the
future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to
clear the passage for the
Ark’s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us,
but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local
trees in order to save the spotted owl.. I tried to convince the
environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls – but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and
inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d con ducted
an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission
on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of
most of the people who want to work.
The trades unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire
only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying
to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
finish this Ark.
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, ‘You mean
you’re not going to destroy the world?’
‘No,’ said the Lord:
‘The government beat me to it.’
[The first video is from the movie Airport (1970), while the second is from Sister Act (1992).]
Reblogged this on Stardust.
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Thanks!
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Yes, I’m afraid an Ark of wood
wouldn’t cut it these days!
Perhaps Elon Musk could come
up with a new design?
LikeLiked by 6 people
LOL! If the bureaucrats didn’t give him all that nonsense first.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Money talks when your building a solar
powered, carbon fibre , Stealth Ark.
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With the Government wanting full access on Doomsday, of course.
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With the encryption key 🔑
to the Universe, of course.
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Very witty!
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I found the Noah one on Quora a few days ago. The others are of course from movies I’ve seen.
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Hilarious
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Thanks.
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Have you ever heard of Craig Christ?
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Nope. Who’s he?
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He turned the water into coors light
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Just looked him up and read the song.
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its a good one!!!!
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That’s a whole lot of red tape! Haha. Nice one J-M! 🙂
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Thanks. I found it on Quora a few days ago.
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I love this. Everything in it is so true. 😂I shared om my Facebook.
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Thanks! Yes, it’s sadly accurate. Which makes it all the funnier!
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Too funny! Love it. 😂
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Thanks!
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I nominated you for Liebster Award –
http://mesmotsbysazz.com/2018/12/19/liebster-award/
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Thank you!
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Pleasure is mine dear.!
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Congratulations!
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Good one 🙂
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LOL
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ROFL! So good!
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Oh my gosh, I absolutely love this. Actually crying with laughter. Did you write it??
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No – I found it on Quora. It was too good not to share.
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Really funny!
😄
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Thanks.
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Nice! Lol!
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Yeah – LOL
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😂😂😂
I wish you a wonderful Merry Christmas!
Ciao
Sid
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Same to you.
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Very nice, and Very True, about the Others already having destroyed the world these days. …For all that, I feel very sorry for this second Noah! 🙂
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Yeah – me too.
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🙂
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LOL, Very nice.<3
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Funny and sad. Perfect example of gubment insanity.
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Loooooooooooooooool this is absolutely hilarious!!! The response by the animal rights though lol!! And the final part killed me. You are so funny. I’m definitely sharing this
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It isn’t mine – I found it on Quora. It was too good not to share.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s really good, thanks for sharing
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Reblogged this on InSpirited and commented:
You should read this joke. It’s hilarious!!!!
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Thanks.
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That was hilarious…and true!
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The truth makes it more hilarious!
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Haha this is a great one!!
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Thanks! 🙂
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