In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the
United States , and said, ‘Once again, the earth has become wicked,
and I see the end of all flesh before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, ‘You have 6 months to build the
Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.’
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard
– but no Ark.
‘Noah!’ He roared, ‘I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?’
‘Forgive me, Lord,’ begged Noah, ‘but things have changed. I needed a
building permit. I’ve been arguing with the inspector about the need
for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I’ve violated the
neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding
the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board
for a decision.
Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the
future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to
clear the passage for the
Ark’s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us,
but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There’s a ban on cutting local
trees in order to save the spotted owl.. I tried to convince the
environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls – but no go!
When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and
inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d con ducted
an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission
on how many minorities I’m supposed to hire for my building crew.
Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of
The trades unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire
only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying
to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
finish this Ark.
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, ‘You mean
you’re not going to destroy the world?’
‘No,’ said the Lord:
‘The government beat me to it.’
[The first video is from the movie Airport (1970), while the second is from Sister Act (1992).]